Monday, February 2, 2009

The Dane Train

Yes, Saturday the Dane Train was at full speed. We had excellent seats about 20 rows from the stage on the lower floor. We even got to go in the VIP section for our food since we had floor seats. Dane was awesome of course, but I was surprised at how good his openers were. I found myself quoting them just as much the next day as I was him. I have video from the show but will not post it. He is coming out with a CD/DVD with this material and they were filming here so I know it will be on it. If you want to see it, buy it when it comes out.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

This Sucks!

I didn't get to post this the other day cause we had to go to the Dane Cook show, so I'll put it up today. Saturday before the show, Jenna wanted me to go vacuum her car while she gets ready. I thought no big deal, grabbed her keys and drove down to the vacuum cleaner here at the apartment complex. I cleaned out any stuff laying on the floor board and seats. I put the two quarters in the machine and grabbed the hose. I run the nozzle across the floor board and nothing happens. Pick it up and place my hand on the top of the nozzle, sucks my hand in. It's good right? So I put it back down on the floor board. It seems to just be pushing the dirt and french fries around. After slowly going over the dirt and still nothing coming up, I decide to drive down to Hess and use theirs. Well, they got rid of their cleaner altogether. I was a little frustrated but decided to drive down to Mobil to use theirs. I get to the vacuum, open all the doors, put the hose in the car, and take the quarters out of my pocket. I go to put them in the slot and they bounce back. There's a piece of tape over the quarter slot. I'm thinking to myself "just wonderful." So I drive to the back of Mobil to exit through the Wal-Mart parking lot and I spot another vacuum behind the gas station building. I drive over there but there's a car parked right next to it with no one in it. I'm thinking this can't possibly get any worse. So I maneuver the car so that I can stretch the hose all the way through the car. I check the quarter slot, no tape. I open all the doors, drag the hose through, get my quarters out again, go to put them in and it says $1.25. I'm thinking that's a bit much, but it says for 5 mins so I went ahead and put them in. Nothing happens. It just took my quarters. Well, I'm in a hurry and I figure I'll just get my quarters back after I vacuum and I proceed to put another $1.25 in the second section of quarter slots. Another buck and a quarter gone. Nothing happend. I look around in disbelief and see that the huge metal cord that would normally go underground to some power supply is cut and frayed. Startin' to get a little ticked. I haul ass back around the station, go inside and demand my $2.50 back. "Well that machine is broken." I chuckle. "Um...I know that." "We can't give your money back" she says to me. I say "It's your machine isn't it? You knew it was out of order. You didn't put an out of order sign on it. I want my $2.50 back" She calls her manager over who proceeds to tell me the vacuum doesn't work. I tell her as polite as I possibly could at that moment "I know that, I wouldn't be in here if it wasn't." We argue for a little bit more and she finally gives me my money back. At this point it has become a quest to get this car vacuumed. For men, when we come to the fork in the road where what we were trying to accomplish fails, if we don't take that road of quitting, we're never gonna take it. It's either quit on first fail, or finish the project. So I drive to Race Track on Bloomingdale in this quest to find a working vacuum cleaner in Brandon. I get there and they're having a Super Bowl party/fair type deal. Cause when I think Super Bowl, I think Race Track gas station in Brandon. Well apparently it was sponsored by Ashley Furniture because they have a giant truck parked JUST in front of the vacuum. It's barely blocking it, so I try to maneuver the car again. No such luck this time. I have to leave again. I drive down to 7-11 this time. They have two vacuums! I pull up to the first one. Out of order. I'm pissed but at least they have the smarts to put up a sign. I pull up to the second one. No sign, no tape, no cut cords. This is the one. Put in the quarters. It worked! Put the hose on the floor, it sucks! We've got a winner. I finish vacuuming the car and head back home. I tell Jenna my horrific ordeal and the first words out of here mouth, "you know there's a car wash right across the street right?" Speechless.